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[24 Apr 2006|02:10pm] |
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mood |
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 pretty nice ;D |
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music |
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ataris |
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You know that part in X-Men 2 when Mystique has put the iron in that guards body, and Magneto pulls it out and destroys his plastic cell with it? THAT PART IS AWESOME. It makes me want to jump off of the roof.
I'm going to take a shower, I'm covered in horse sweat and probably fecal matter of some kind. Probably.
-ashley.
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| ahem. |
[22 Apr 2006|10:41pm] |
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mood |
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 homesick |
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music |
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MTV2 |
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It's been so long since I wrote in this thing. My grammar and spelling are probably terrible. : )
Hmm. I'm in Idaho right now. I miss my boyfriend. I'm a big fat juicy emo. Sweet Jesus.. LJ autosaves entries periodically as you write them now? Awesome. Nobody reads this goddamn thing, but I'll write anyway, for my own record. Brandon and I have been living together for several months, and have been together for a little under that. It is just lovely, and I am very happy. I am getting fat. I love cheese.
Cheese is lovely.
I'm on my mom's computer, and it makes me want to take a hammer and several nails to my face. Except for my sweet second hard drive full of music. It's still very beautiful here, and I love the actual place. However, the people are obviously douchebags. Bunch of no good, stuck up Mormons. Apparently my little cousin loves Viva La Bam. I see a big fat guy, and then I want to eat some cheese. A cheese fried baby. With ice cream. An ice cream filled, cheese fried baby. I'm so homesick.
My plane ride was scary, and there was turbulence, and the stewardess frightened me. I'm getting very very sleepy. Tomorrow we're going to Hell's Canyon. Infomercials don't hold the appeal they used to. I had a very interesting week. I would like to write a children's picture book entitled My First Orgy. If you text message "sexy" to 44321, beautiful women will sleep with you, and probably let you put it in their butt. My mother bought me a very pleasant skirt. It is brown, with pleats. Pleat, pleat, you make me complete; My quesedilla was cheesy, but best was the meat.
My mother loves mint hookah. She says it makes her throat tingle with joy and goodness. I agree. However, I left a piece of the hookah at home (all the way in California, it's so far D:), and had to resort to intricately configured rubber bands. I am MacGyver. Sleeping alone is going to piss me off. How am I supposed to drift gently into slumber without a loving hand to grope my breasts? How, I ask? All right, when I look back at this entry, I see that it is completely pointless and stupid, so I'm done. Goodnight. <3
-ashley.
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[10 Aug 2005|06:48pm] |
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lucy, you and your silly diamonds get outta that sky right now.
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[10 Aug 2005|06:45pm] |
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mood |
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 absolutely ecstatic |
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music |
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beatles |
] |
even when i'm a filthy emo, life is so goddamn awesome. <3
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[08 Aug 2005|06:17pm] |
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You have a silly face. Yes, you. ^_^
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[22 Jun 2005|02:21am] |
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mood |
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 meh |
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music |
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modest mouse - dramamine |
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Lame. That's what I think. My stupid, silly emo is back. After a year hiatus. I have this strange feeling of being disconnected from people. Which to some extent is how I always feel, but now it's taken to an extreme. *shrug* I dislike the emo, but what was really interesting was feeling it after ingesting psilocybin. That was possibly the worst feeling I've ever experienced. Which was why it was so interesting. Hard to explain. It was like.. hmm. It felt like I was being crushed by the sheer amount of people that are in the world, and the fact that I felt a connection with none of them. I'm not sure how accurately that conveys exactly what I was feeling. But it's the best way I can think to describe it right now.
Hmm.
I think that my emo is back because I miss the people who care about me. I really miss Jamie, and I miss Alec, and I miss my family. I don't like being in Modesto anymore. But I wouldn't like being anywhere else. Gaw. This is the reason I hate being emo. It's not the fact that I have that despairing feeling, it's the fact that I get all testy and write emo livejournal posts. Again, lame. I really want to go back to school. I think being productive and accomplishing something that will make my life better will make me more ok with keeping my own company. At this point I'm not someone I'd want to hang around with. And that's silly because I should be my favorite person. That's just how it works. Something else I've been thinking about for a while. Like, when Jamie raves about how smart I am. I don't know anything at all. I'm not well read. I mean, I read, but I don't read anything that adds to my bank of knowledge. I need to read less fiction.
Hmm.
I've been running lately. So that's good. I think I'm going to look for a second job until it's time to go back to school. Even working full time at MCI, I think I have too much free time that I'm not using to my ultimate advantage. And if I do get a second job, and it makes me too tired, I can just quit without having to worry about money. I need to get some kind of nest egg going. I love Thrice. Speaking of Thrice, apparently I'm attending the warped tour this year? Yeah... I wish I could see Tsunami Bomb. And maybe nofx. Oh well. I don't really have anything else on my mind, but I feel like I do. I need to buy some pants. I wear the same ones every day, and they're getting very dirty. : )
I suppose I'll end this, and if I think of something later, I'll write about it then.
I'd said what I'd said that I'd tell ya
And that you'd killed the better part of me
If you could just milk it for everything
I've said what I'd said and you know what I mean
But I still can't focus on anything
We kiss on the mouth but still cough down our sleeves
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[16 Jun 2005|04:33am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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Blargh. I am really missing my very best friend Jamie. And she needs to come home RIGHT THIS INSTANT. Or I shall wash the streets of San Diego with her precious lifeblood. Or something.
*yawn*
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.
the sun was hot
your pool was cold
shamu was raped
no one was told
the boys we kissed
those days are missed
AOL chat rooms were raided
your mom was pissed
muncy to prescott
eventually davis
we learned to type
(thank you, mavis)
from david clowers
to mr. josh powers
fettuccine alfredo
hidden among flowers
now you're gone
you've left our home
but even that doesn't warrant
this really lame poem.
For you, Jamie. :D
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[27 May 2005|06:24am] |
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mood |
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awesome |
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music |
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bloc party |
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Everyone updates my el jay. cept me.
.....................................
whoa.
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[21 May 2005|10:30am] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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I meant Antioch, I was drunk when I said San Diego.
;D
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[21 May 2005|02:45am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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I have decided to move to San Diego to be with my two favorite people of all time. Bye everyone.
<3
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[19 May 2005|07:18am] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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mc chris |
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Why isn't anyone ever awake at 7 am?
ARGH, I say!
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| A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full |
[08 May 2005|06:22pm] |
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mood |
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 horny |
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music |
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My Chemical Romance - Demolition Lovers |
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It is now time for a journal update. Another one so soon, eh? But I know you all adore me. Goddamnit I can't find my alcohol. >_<. You all have probably wondering where I have been. WoW consumes my life. But lately I have been very emo at night. But I know this will break soon, my vagina is telling me that it is close to summer and it is ready to come out and play. Summer = happy vagina. And now that I have a car I can go visit my best friend. Not only that, but gold candy with the anti-och kids. I hate MCI, hate it. I love WoW, love it. Too bad WoW + drinking alcohol isn't my job. What am I talking about, I do that for free. I hate to admit it but I actually am starting to like that whole myspace thing. Oh woe, I've fallen victim to myspace and livejournal. I guess I am really becoming emo now. OMGZ I want to play GTA. Done for now, but will probably update later. Too lazy to spellcheck too, so STFU niggaz.
- A.C. Trickle, what what (represent)
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[08 May 2005|02:06am] |
Ben keeps blowing smoke right in my face.
EMO.
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[06 May 2005|08:24am] |
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mood |
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friskay |
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music |
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mc chris - hijack |
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lyke omgz0rz... a real journal entry? :D
I am sitting in the living room (looking at my comfy bed + brian's
comforter, wondering wtf I'm doing awake), and my head hurts. Too much
hookah and too little sleep. Argh! You know why I don't update this
thing? Cause all I do is sit on the couch and play WoW. Sometimes I go
to work. But only sometimes.
Jesus christ, my head hurts so much.
You know what? I was playing WoW tonight, and listening to mc chris,
and I discovered something very strange. Killing Alliance is the
hottest thing ever. Makes me kind of worry about myself. Gets me all
pumped. Times like these, wish I had a boyfriend. "Honey, I just killed
three Alliance. Pants off, now." Crazy Smashley.
No one is online. I suppose everyone is asleep? Around 9:30 I'm going
to go to a dealership down the street, and if they have the car I want,
I'm going to make a purchase. It's the beginning of the month. Which
means... psilocybin time. I'm not sure if I'm going to partake. Last
two times were pretty bad trips, thinking of going with a sixteenth. Or
maybe spacing the eighth out over a couple hours. Not entirely sure.
I miss my family. A road trip is planned at the very beginning of June,
since I have nine days of vacation. Jaime is supposed to go with me,
and his friend Blake (I think that's it?), and I think maybe Zaya. We
shall see.
Life is pretty good. Besides missing my family, of course. Work is meh.
I'm really hoping I get the schedule I bid for, Fridays and Saturdays
off would be splendid. I'm so very ready to go back to school. I was
being quite the emo for a couple weeks there, but things seem to be
much better. I was feeling pretty damn lonely here in Modesto without
family and without my best friend. Someday, I shall learn to be
sociable and nice. *shakes fist*
As much as I enjoy sleeping in Dawn's living room, I sure do miss sleeping naked. >_<
I've gained about eleven pounds since I moved in here. My goddamn belly
is back, and it was just about completely gone a month ago. Ridiculous,
I say.
That's me dome flaying some niggaz. Yeahhh... :D
Okay, I suppose that's all I have to ramble about. Excuse me while I return to the world of Warcraft.
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[30 Apr 2005|02:39pm] |
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LJ post.
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[04 Apr 2005|07:49pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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nerds talking about WoW |
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( a few pictures )
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[02 Apr 2005|04:25am] |
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mood |
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drunk |
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music |
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funeral thirst -Black Dahlia Murder |
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Lets see so where do i begin this evening. Well for starters i feel like my roomate hates me so im considering moving out. However i can neither confirm or deny this at the moment. So Im really at a loss as to what to do. In other news, lamest shizz ever i have to be at a gay ass class tommorow or today rather at 7 am. Lets see so that gives me about 2 hours to sleep when its all done and said. Well i think thats about it for now. so i think ill end this witha nice poem. It just so happens its a haiku
I dont like no fruits.
but please just give me a chance
and ill eat your peach
peace out suckas your good pal and friend for always and ever. -Smashly
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[30 Mar 2005|02:20am] |
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mood |
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 full |
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*insert a really awesome update here*
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[18 Mar 2005|06:05am] |
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mood |
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 pleasant |
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music |
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deftones |
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An uncharacteristic entry, perhaps?
I've always been absolutely terrified of death. Seventy to eighty years has never seemed like enough. I've had panic attacks, depression, times when I didn't even want to live out my entire natural life, for fear of dying. Times when I just tried to sleep, because I couldn't stop thinking about my own death. When I was younger I thought I believed in god. Sometimes I prayed, but mostly just when I couldn't find my shoes and was going to be late for school (pls god, pls help me find my left shoe! D:). When I was watching my mom being hit and thrown around, when I was thrown around with her, I never thought of any god. When I was scared of something, or lonely, I never thought of any god. Eventually I realized that no, I didn't believe at all. Then I grew up a little, and realized that even though I never turned to god didn't mean I thought there wasn't one. So, for three years or so I've considered myself agnostic. For someone who is unsure, I think agnosticism is the most intelligent way to go. The most truthful. I think that I'm not agnostic anymore. I've been dwelling on it for a couple weeks now. Like I said.. this is uncharacteristic of me, on the surface. But it isn't like I've adopted some kind of religion. More like I've... I'm not even really sure. Maybe realized that a certain kind of spirituality applies to me, and to my life, and to the person I am. I'm not going to suddenly stop being so bitchy, and mean, and cynical (you all know that will never happen ;D)
I was just lying in bed with my eyes closed, feeling very nice. Tangential thinking, bouncing around so much, I've touched on so many things tonight. My friends.. gaw. I love my friends so much. I don't have as many as most people. Jamie, Alec, Chad, Jonny, Bri, and now Don. For some reason, I absolutely adore these people. They're all just so amazing. I'm not the sentimental type, but I just had to come out and say it. I count other people among my friends, but the ones I just mentioned are just. So important. Most of them I don't hang out with nearly enough. Sometimes I miss Jamie like crazy. No one could ever replace that girl as my best friend. I'm not sitting here at my computer being all lifetime or anything.. I'm really incredibly happy. And I was just thinking about all of this.
I was also thinking about my sex life. Not at present, but as a whole. Mostly my promiscuity, and how little it bothers me. Of course I still regret certain things. The only one night stand I've had.. I still hate that, and I could've done without Nick as well. But the rest, I don't regret them for myself. The other people I've cared about. For the most part I cared about them very much. I regret that the physical relationships I have might hurt people. Of course I still love Alec. He's too perfectly suited to me, for me to ever not care about him immensely. But single, dedicated relationships cause too many problems for me. Jealousy seems to ruin so many good things. My life is just, so wonderful right now. Sometimes I worry, because I know that it won't last. There are so many people I would carry on a physical relationship with, and I don't mean for that to sound slutty. Just.. people I care about, people who I find interesting. I would pursue all of them, probably, if I didn't think it would hurt Alec.
Also, along the lines of the spirituality deal. I'm not sure how many people feel this, but sometimes I feel really distant from my physical body. I don't mean any out of body kind of experience or anything. But occasionally I just look at my body, and it seems like it's such a minuscule part of me. It's just the casing for whatever it is that makes me. And I consider myself, just like I consider all of my friends, incredibly unique. I've never met anyone like me. But everyone has a body, relatively similar to mine, flesh and blood trappings. Sometimes my body feels so insignificant. When I got my first little stretch mark, I cried. Now I can look at those little imperfections, and I don't like or dislike them. They're just part of the body that holds all of the awesomeness that is Ashley (shuddup, everyone knows how narcissistic I am).
Well, I just felt like ranting a bit. I have plenty left to go on about, I'm just starting to get kinda sleepy, and I need to get up early to help out a friend. I'll probably continue this tomorrow. Night kids! <3
EDIT: saucezorz.
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[13 Mar 2005|05:14am] |
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mood |
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jubilant |
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WHAT WAS THAT?
YOU DARE TO TRIP TRAP ACROSS THIS BRIDGE WITHOUT FIRST OBTAINING MY CONSENT?
THE TOLL, YOU ASK? A HEALTHY DOSE OF FIST PUMMELING TO YOUR DOME, YOUNG BILLY GOAT.
and now you may pass unmolested.
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nothopelessyet's journal